For the love of... Privacy

As previously discussed, I'm a custodian at a university. I see some very strange things. There are wine tastings on campus. The most recent one was held in my building.

I was going through the hallways to asses the damage, as I'm often surprised by the "gifts" the students and faculty leave behind for me. The party was still going on in the basement. I'm glad I had started my walkthrough here. Several intoxicated professors were dancing in the hall, shoes off, hair down, ties nowhere to be seen.

They seemed to be having fun, and since I can't clean around people, I went back up to the front of the building. Tables full of half-emptied wine bottles and plastic cups smeared with lipstick were everywhere. I cleaned up only the obvious trash, and went to clean the bathrooms farthest from the party. Less chance of an interruption, I guess.

I had just soaked the urinals and toilets down in disinfectant. This stuff is mean. It burns your nose, and if you sit on a still wet seat it'll burn your ass twice as bad. And they call it "green, eco-friendly" Part of me thinks the "eco" part isn't referring to ecologically, but economically friendly, but it's what I have to use. As I was drying the urinals off, so some poor sap doesn't burn his manliness attempting some weird piss stunt (I'm sure all you guys do that. How else could there be that much piss everywhere?) an obviously drunk guy walks in, sees me, and before I can tell him I'll leave so he can pee in private, he turns and lets loose in the drain. On the floor. Right next to me.

When he was done, he stumbled out WITHOUT WASHING HIS HANDS! At that point I didn't know what was worse: him potentially pissing all over his hands and spreading the urinous filth everywhere, or the fact that I had been forced to witness him wee on the floor.

After I dealt with that situation, I went back and checked the basement. It sounded empty, so I got my trash cart and a bucket of disinfectant. Just in case anyone left me another wonderful gift. Clothes were strewn down the hallway. I mean EVERYWHERE! Shoes thrown several feet apart from their mate, overshirts, socks, ties... then the underwear started. Women's stockings, then a bra. the closer I got to the end of the hallway the more scared/shocked/grossed out I became at the thought of what I might find. The evidence suggested at least four people had lost their clothes. The last door had a thong hanging from the handle.

I decided that night was a perfectly good night to feign deadly illness. I went home. I'm sure I can live with having the rest of my crew pick up my slack. I'm not sure I could live with whatever horrors were behind that door.